The Confidence Con: The Source of “Not Enoughness” And How to Change It

Imposter Syndrome. That weird feeling of “I don’t belong here. What if they find out I’m a fraud?”

Despite the impressive resume, extensive qualifications, quantifiable achievements, and glowing references – you just can’t shake the feeling that there’s something missing.

It is.

Self-worth.

Here me out. If you felt a tightening in your gut or a flash of anger as you read that, it’s okay! It’s not personal and it’s not a problem. No matter how uncomfortable it is, awareness of the source gives us the power to change it.

Women are often highly competent, high performers in the workplace but we lack the confidence in ourselves and our abilities. Because we live in a world where we are constantly surrounded by unconscious, unspoken, or covertly conveyed disbelief in our abilities.

The old adage “do twice the work for half the recognition” rings a bell.

Every time we are questioned, challenged, underestimated, or diminished in some way, it’s hard not to believe it. After all, if it happens often enough – it must be true, right?

Or, maybe, just maybe – it’s not.

Maybe the truth is that high self-worth is not something we tend to inherent and unless we actively nurture our relationship with ourselves, our fragile sense of self plateaus.

We have been conditioned to believe that external accolades – degrees, job title, salary – are “proof” of our worthiness. As our external worth increases, so too does our internal sense of worth, allegedly.

But this is a very fragile eco-system to operate from. Because if our self-worth is bound to work, income, and social status – if they go – who are we?

If we rely on external validators to reassure us of our worth, we will always be at the whim of someone or something else to make us feel enough. This robs us of our right to feel whole and complete as we are.

The greater the gap, the greater the cost to our energy, confidence, and sense of self

Because here’s the paradox: when our self-worth is low, the harder we chase external validation, the wider the gap grows. We feel more like imposters, not less. We doubt ourselves even more, fear being “found out” and even feel guilt for what we have achieved. As if we were somehow underserving of everything we worked so hard for – despite being told this was what made us worthy!

The issue is not the external world but that the internal has not caught up. The path to true confidence and self-trust is turning towards the parts of us that don’t feel good enough with love and compassion. Not to judge them, shame them, or avoid them – to embrace them. It’s not as scary as you might think. It is this path that sets us free.

My work is to help you elevate your sense of self-worth to align with your external reality so you can feel worthy of what you already have and everything you want. We get to feel at ease with ourselves, our work, and the world around us. To stop chasing and start living - enjoying the journey of growth and evolution.

From here, we’re no longer threatened by others success. We can collaborate rather than compete and celebrate others – knowing that everything we desire is available to us too.

If you want to deepen your understanding of imposter syndrome and how to transform it, I recommend watching this video with Alyssa Nobriga, who I trained with through the Institute for Coaching Mastery.

If you feel called to exploring transforming this in your own life, I’d love to support you. Let’s connect via: connect@bexhowells.com or apply to work with me here.